John 14:3 And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come again, and receive you unto myself; that where I am, there ye may be also.

John 16:7 Nevertheless I tell you the truth; It is expedient for you that I go away: for if I go not away, the Comforter will not come unto you; but if I depart, I will send him unto you.

“If I go” appears twice in scriptures and there have been no bigger ifs in all the world. It has troubled me that Jesus used this phrase “if I go”. Phrases like “I and the Father are One” led me to believe that Jesus knew all things as the Father did. If makes me wonder. If implies that decisions haven’t been made. If implies that not all things are a forgone conclusion. If doesn’t not have to imply doubt.

There are so many times in my life I have used the words “If only I had done something else.” The doubt in self comes from wrong choices. I didn’t like the result of my choices. That leads me to doubt myself and be more careful. When I see Jesus say “if I go” my tendency is to apply my experience to His words.

Then I remember that Jesus said that only the Father knew the hour of His return. Given that being One is not one in knowledge, that it is one is character, purpose, will, and perfection, then if becomes clear. Jesus did not have enough information to make a decision. Jesus knew things that were asked of Him but He was waiting for more information before making a decision.

Matthew 26:38-39 Then saith he unto them, My soul is exceeding sorrowful, even unto death: tarry ye here, and watch with me. And he went a little farther, and fell on his face, and prayed, saying, O my Father, if it be possible, let this cup pass from me: nevertheless not as I will, but as thou wilt.

The last piece of information Jesus needed to ask of the Father before He made this important decision was to ask, “Is there any other way?” His decision to willingly submit Himself to death on the cross and to take on the sins of the world tells me the Father’s answer was “No.”

Don’t confuse self-doubt with doubts about Jesus.

1 Corinthians 13:9 For we know in part, and we prophesy in part.

I have accepted a part of a good work. The church has a program which presents Christ in a non-threatening presentation to unbelievers. My talk is important and I have taken it very seriously. I’ve had sleepless nights thinking on my talk. I want to do the very best I can for the Lord.

I kept coming to a single point of difficulty which I call a wall. I could not climb it, break it, or see beyond that wall. As with all things spiritual, I sought wise counsel. I presented my unfinished draft to members of the team. My effort was met with great praise. “Wowsers” “Insightful” “I want to hear this preached on Sunday.” At the end of each praise the wall was seen and identified with one word, “But”.

The wall, the obstacle was my accepting the work without joining the team. I allowed other pressing matters to be an excuse to miss a training session which the team attended. I went off on my own. While the work is perfect in its content, it does not serve the program. The audience will not connect to the material. It will not do that which the Lord means to accomplish.

We get things in part so that we can bring our part to the team and allow it to fit in with the other parts. When I realized this, I began with suggestions from the team and held to a principle which matched the goals of the program, helped in supporting the outline. When I presented the second effort, in its infancy, it was recognized as the right approach. “Yes and Amen” The spirit agreed.

I still hit the same wall at one point. I sought counsel again. Then the truth was revealed. My vision contained one issue which the Lord wanted to say, “Not here, not now.” I was still holding on to what I knew was true, but the truth is only seen by those ready to receive. I could not see that alone. It took a team effort for that “part” to be known. That “part” is meant for another time and place. It did not fit here.

1 Corinthians 14:2 For he that speaketh in an unknown tongue speaketh not unto men, but unto God: for no man understandeth him; howbeit in the spirit he speaketh mysteries.

They would not understand.