Colossians 1:11 being strengthened with all power, according to his glorious might, for all endurance and patience with joy;

After admitting to my frustrations yesterday I find myself lacking joy in patience.

What is blocking my joy?

I suspect it is hidden in the long wait for any glimpse of hope I have to a positive answer to my prayers. I have discovered a side of me that worries about things that are not within my control.

My past is fraught with actions that were completely out of control, rebellious, defiant, and absent of any concern for life.

Praise be to God for this life in Christ that has taken me out of the darkness and delivered me into His Light. He has changed my heart and bow it feels. It feels everything and finding my way in control is difficult at times because the power to exert change lies in the hands of the One I serve.

Pray yes, but finding joy in patience is difficult for some of us “in control”.

Reading in Colossians this morning I find myself wishing I have others praying for me as Paul is praying for them.

Colossians 1:9 And so, from the day we heard, we have not ceased to pray for you, asking that you may be filled with the knowledge of his will in all spiritual wisdom and understanding,

Perhaps, and I say this without any real confidence, that it is because I have not said that prayer for others. Those of us that see ourselves “in control” tend to overlook blessing others to gain the wisdom and understanding we think we have.

I again hear the words of a mentor at this moment. “Let go and let God.”

God is “in control”. Obedience of faith is not control, it is faith facing uncertainty.

Isaiah 44:25 who frustrates the signs of liars and makes fools of diviners, who turns wise men back and makes their knowledge foolish,

I had the most troubling dream tonight and I cannot seem to shake the feelings of frustration. The dream was about being caught in a situation of helplessness and the callus attitude of everyone surrounding me.

I turn to the scriptures for some sort of clarity even though I already know the truth.

God’s will be done.

Being hundreds of miles away when someone you love needs comforting is frustrating so we pray. We offer up prayers for those we love all the time and the results of our prayers do not always go as we would wish.

Decades of experience tells us that God’s will is unknown until revealed in some form. For some, the lucky ones, their prayers are answered. The rest of us find ourselves in mourning.

Somewhere between the prayer and the outcome is that feeling of helplessness and frustration, knowing that while prayer is our best option, the outcome is uncertain.

I’ve been on both sides of mourning. Mourn with those who mourn. The only help I ever received while mourning myself came from the Holy Spirit Who came as a cooling breeze to lower the waves of pain and make it just a little bit easier to bear.

I know where these very human feelings of frustration are coming from, helplessness in the face of losing someone I love. God willing we will not lose him and I know my pangs of helplessness are felt by others and I wish I had a comforting scripture to share, but that search only added to my feelings of helplessness.

The best I can offer anyone else feeling as I do is not to lose hope and to continue in fervent prayer.

God willing.