Judges 21:3 And said, O Lord God of Israel, why is this come to pass in Israel, that there should be to day one tribe lacking in Israel?

Questioning God is nothing new. Man has been doing it since the beginning. Worse yet, blaming God for all the bad things in their lives. That is saying “I could do a better job of being God.” Questioning God is playing God.

“You shall have no gods before me.”

That includes you and me. I am not God. As much as I would like to change things, to heal, to right wrongs, to be merciful, to be gracious and kind, I want from a human perspective. I want what I want. I’d be selective and that means exclusion, withholding from many because me ability to see is limited.

It occurred to me as I was thinking about this; what am I doing to make things better? Even on a personal level, doing the best I can, I am limited by my humanity. I can only do so much. Do I use that knowledge as an excuse for doing nothing?

There ae many humanitarians in the world doing good, maybe even great things, but they are not God and I cannot help but ask why. What is their true motive in doing good, to play god, to gain glory unto themselves? I do not know. I can only judge myself as to my own motivations. Am I loving and kind because God is loving and kind or because He truly changed me into the son He wants me to be?

I don’t want to play god. Neither do I want to play at being His son. I want to be His son. As such I can only follow the example set forth by my Lord and look to the Father for His will.

Then I shall be a son.

2 Corinthians 6:12 Common English Bible (CEB) There are no limits to the affection that we feel for you. You are the ones who placed boundaries on your affection for us.

The CEB provided the clearest rendering of this verse for me. It allowed me to see with better depth those things Paul was speaking about in 2 Cor. 6, of which there is much to take in.

“In patience, in afflictions, in necessities, in distresses, in stripes, in imprisonments, in tumults, in labours, in watchings, in fastings; by pureness, by knowledge, by long suffering, by kindness, by the Holy Ghost, by love unfeigned.” That’s a lot to suffer and come out the other side unscarred.

Taking us back to loving God with all and then loving our neighbors as ourselves, it became clear why there was the distinction between loving God and loving mankind.

The limits we set in loving each other is tied directly to how we feel about ourselves. It is said you cannot truly forgive others if we cannot forgive ourselves. It seems to be true in my life at least. Does that ring true for you?

I look at all these afflictions Paul is speaking about and the good that is mixed in as righteous responses. The two go hand in hand and if grace outweighs the pain, then I believe the answer lies in how His abiding love has changed how we see ourselves.

Being tested myself by life stressors exposed me to my raw nature, the man I am without Christ. No matter how much I try to be obedient in faith, the capacity to fail remains as a constant danger. It is not a reflection on inclination, just another moment of crucifixion of selfishness, and it is painful. We should not allow those moments to discourage us for they draw us closer to Christ who endured it all for us.