Isaiah 53:4-6 Surely he hath borne our griefs, and carried our sorrows: yet we did esteem him stricken, smitten of God, and afflicted. But he was wounded for our transgressions, he was bruised for our iniquities: the chastisement of our peace was upon him; and with his stripes we are healed. All we like sheep have gone astray; we have turned every one to his own way; and the Lord hath laid on him the iniquity of us all.

Yesterday I vented over decades of pain, keeping it inside and not being able to find forgiveness.

I took it to the Lord and asked Him to help me find forgiveness. He showed me His cross. The pain on His face was mine. Then I saw the truth, if my sins were nailed to the cross then so were the sins of my offender.

If I am to accept Jesus died to forgive my sins, then He also died for the forgiveness of sins for my offender. Only at the cross can I find forgiveness. It is not within me to find the strength to forgive. In Christ and Christ alone can I find forgiveness.

If Christ be in me, then I have to accept by faith the forgiveness that is not earned or deserved for my offender, because I was not worthy either.

I cried in that moment, for my Lord, for the pain and suffering we all made Him endure. We all share in that, those that were in rebellion and those who are still in rebellion.

Jesus said, “Here is your forgiveness.”

Seeing all that we put Him thru, how could I say no?

Grow up, stop being children, learn how to love.

The Word says that in Ephesians 4. Not exactly those words but it’s there. I want to vent this morning. Mostly it has to do with old wounds, a changed life and failing to forgive.

No one can wound you as deeply as family. Jesus warned us in a way that didn’t come across clear in my first understanding. Matthew 10:36 And a man’s foes shall be they of his own household.

I am not that child any longer. Who I am is a stranger to them. I am still treated as if I still hold that place in the family. The one I was closest to causes me the greatest pain. Always has and that has not changed.

Now for my part I tried to forgive the pain but pushing the pain into the past is not the same as forgiveness. How I discovered this was in this moment when I blew up and the pain came flowing out of my mouth like a stream of hot lava.

Things could have gone differently if I had known in my past while I was being hurt, how to speak the truth in love. Even now in my later years I still find it difficult to speak the truth in love. My excuse might be that it is a painful thing. Past efforts, far removed from events were met with “never happened”. That should not have been reason enough in my heart to withhold forgiveness, but sadly I let it.

Will my outburst burn down the house? I do not know yet. I pray God can do a healing work in me. That has to start with me. I pray that God might restore peace on His terms. We all need to grow up, stop being children and learn to love.