Deuteronomy 15:10 Thou shalt surely give him, and thine heart shall not be grieved when thou givest unto him: because that for this thing the Lord thy God shall bless thee in all thy works, and in all that thou puttest thine hand unto.

My heart wasn’t in it. With all my heart. Two extremes that many of us have probably said or felt over the years. I know I have. You do not have to do something begrudgingly to be less than fully supportive of an action.

There are few things in this world I can openly and honestly say, “With all my heart.” We reason and rationalize. We are convinced or convicted. In all honesty, how many things can you say you have given your all?

Perhaps that is why God said in this verse “not be grieved”. Not being grieved is something less than all your heart, but it is not begrudgingly either. I am one who is self-critical. I judge myself harshly. If I have not been at my best, I grieve over it. But I am human and I may always be somewhere in between those two extremes.

God understands that and is not going to withhold His blessing just because I haven’t done all things with all my heart. He just asks that I do not grieve over my choices. The conditioning part of this devotional is that of the heart. It takes time to be conditioned to this new heart and change isn’t instant or even easy. But we do change. We do get used to our new heart. It is our minds that have to learn to trust that are hearts are right.

Ezekiel 11:19 And I will give them one heart, and I will put a new spirit within you; and I will take the stony heart out of their flesh, and will give them an heart of flesh:

Ezekiel 36:26 A new heart also will I give you, and a new spirit will I put within you: and I will take away the stony heart out of your flesh, and I will give you an heart of flesh.

Psalm 118:22 The stone which the builders refused is become the head stone of the corner.

Exodus 17:6 Behold, I will stand before thee there upon the rock in Horeb; and thou shalt smite the rock, and there shall come water out of it, that the people may drink. And Moses did so in the sight of the elders of Israel.

Because of these three verses and others, a thought occurred to me about our Lord. We broke His heart. It breaks His heart that we would reject Him. That others reject Him. This is a harmless thought. I am not trying to create doctrine here. I am not espousing any new theologies based around these verses. But the thought caused me to feel something relevant to me, it was within me.

No one else has to see this, or accept it for it to be a real feeling for me. I do not have to preach it, or teach it, or defend it before others. It is personal and harmless. I do not have to test it with my counselors, my pastor or anyone else. It is as much about me as it is anything. Personal.

So why bring it up here? Perhaps because I wasn’t always the man I am today. There was a time I was insecure in my faith life. I would have these moments and it led to uncomfortable conversations in which I put others at risk. I didn’t have the maturity at the time to deal with the new found relationship that had with my God. I thought that if others did not see it, it was not real.

Your feelings are yours. As long as you feel better, happier, more secure, and you can take away from scripture readings a positive attitude, what does it matter what others think? You do not have to build doctrine on these moments. It could be nothing more than you and God sharing a moment, giving you something to smile about. There is no harm in that. It is yours, a positive thing.

Acts 10:38 How God anointed Jesus of Nazareth with the Holy Ghost and with power: who went about doing good, and healing all that were oppressed of the devil; for God was with him.