John 14:3 And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come again, and receive you unto myself; that where I am, there ye may be also.

John 16:7 Nevertheless I tell you the truth; It is expedient for you that I go away: for if I go not away, the Comforter will not come unto you; but if I depart, I will send him unto you.

“If I go” appears twice in scriptures and there have been no bigger ifs in all the world. It has troubled me that Jesus used this phrase “if I go”. Phrases like “I and the Father are One” led me to believe that Jesus knew all things as the Father did. If makes me wonder. If implies that decisions haven’t been made. If implies that not all things are a forgone conclusion. If doesn’t not have to imply doubt.

There are so many times in my life I have used the words “If only I had done something else.” The doubt in self comes from wrong choices. I didn’t like the result of my choices. That leads me to doubt myself and be more careful. When I see Jesus say “if I go” my tendency is to apply my experience to His words.

Then I remember that Jesus said that only the Father knew the hour of His return. Given that being One is not one in knowledge, that it is one is character, purpose, will, and perfection, then if becomes clear. Jesus did not have enough information to make a decision. Jesus knew things that were asked of Him but He was waiting for more information before making a decision.

Matthew 26:38-39 Then saith he unto them, My soul is exceeding sorrowful, even unto death: tarry ye here, and watch with me. And he went a little farther, and fell on his face, and prayed, saying, O my Father, if it be possible, let this cup pass from me: nevertheless not as I will, but as thou wilt.

The last piece of information Jesus needed to ask of the Father before He made this important decision was to ask, “Is there any other way?” His decision to willingly submit Himself to death on the cross and to take on the sins of the world tells me the Father’s answer was “No.”

Don’t confuse self-doubt with doubts about Jesus.