Grow up, stop being children, learn how to love.

The Word says that in Ephesians 4. Not exactly those words but it’s there. I want to vent this morning. Mostly it has to do with old wounds, a changed life and failing to forgive.

No one can wound you as deeply as family. Jesus warned us in a way that didn’t come across clear in my first understanding. Matthew 10:36 And a man’s foes shall be they of his own household.

I am not that child any longer. Who I am is a stranger to them. I am still treated as if I still hold that place in the family. The one I was closest to causes me the greatest pain. Always has and that has not changed.

Now for my part I tried to forgive the pain but pushing the pain into the past is not the same as forgiveness. How I discovered this was in this moment when I blew up and the pain came flowing out of my mouth like a stream of hot lava.

Things could have gone differently if I had known in my past while I was being hurt, how to speak the truth in love. Even now in my later years I still find it difficult to speak the truth in love. My excuse might be that it is a painful thing. Past efforts, far removed from events were met with “never happened”. That should not have been reason enough in my heart to withhold forgiveness, but sadly I let it.

Will my outburst burn down the house? I do not know yet. I pray God can do a healing work in me. That has to start with me. I pray that God might restore peace on His terms. We all need to grow up, stop being children and learn to love.