Proverbs 3:5-6 Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths.

I am troubled today with a dream I had last night. In the dream I was told to destroy all the evidence of evil that this leader preformed. While I knew that turning the information over to authorities was the right thing to do, I was still conflicted. I wasn’t loyal to this leader, I saw what he had done as criminal and wanted justice. It seemed like an easy call, yet no, it wasn’t.

I have been searching within myself as to why I was conflicted. I did not have enough information from the dream to say what my hesitation were. Perhaps I am jaded by the motivations of leaders and was not sure about the end results. Perhaps I didn’t trust the courts. Perhaps I didn’t trust the prosecutor. Perhaps I didn’t trust myself.

In the end I had seen that I didn’t take it to God. Why is it that when it comes to worldly things we look to our own strength and experience to make decisions? Is not God the God of all things? I tend to turn to God about personal issues that affect me and family directly. When it comes to complex issues why not use the same help?

I believe that God loves me and has my best interests at heart. Since that is true then my peace of mind should fall into that same category of faith. I am the one who did not seek Him. I am the one that needs to consider first choices. Finding the right thing to do isn’t always a matter of emotions. Sometimes it takes wisdom beyond my understanding.

2 Chronicles 19:3 Nevertheless there are good things found in thee, in that thou hast taken away the groves out of the land, and hast prepared thine heart to seek God.

Or perhaps I have not properly prepared my heart.

Psalm 77:6 I call to remembrance my song in the night: I commune with mine own heart: and my spirit made diligent search.

Memory is an illusionary gift. It seems that the further and further I get away in time from the things I remember, the more my emotions color the memory. Here the Psalmist attaches memory to the heart, emotions. While the mind is busy trying to sort out the emotional attachments, the spirit is busy search for the truth in that matter. Who will win out?

If I will be honest with myself, I have to give way to the spirit, because my emotions cannot be trusted. Old memories tend to ignore information not related to the emotion. What formed those emotions at the time probably had nothing to do with the even itself. It tends to paint the picture from a single source and ignores everything else.

My sister helped me let go of the past a few years ago. I had been troubled by my memories of my mother and she said, “But that isn’t how it was at all.” She was older and more experienced in the family dynamic. I troubled myself with memories that weren’t even accurate. She helped me let go of them.

Ever since that day, I have looked at my memories from a new perspective. I try and let the spirit have its say on the matter and do not hold so tightly to my memories as being true, but for what they are, emotional. The events I thought that shaped me, good and bad no longer have a hold on me. They do not shape who I am and who I will be.

John 14:26 But the Comforter, which is the Holy Ghost, whom the Father will send in my name, he shall teach you all things, and bring all things to your remembrance, whatsoever I have said unto you.

I trust only the memories brought to me by the Holy Spirit. Him I trust.