Proverbs 6:15 Therefore shall his calamity come suddenly; suddenly shall he be broken without remedy.

I had plans. Suddenly those plans have been dashed. Am I at a loss for a remedy? Probably not but it does not feel that way. I still have choices but none of them include even the slightest resemblance of my original plan.

As I searched out the scriptures this morning to discover my part in this calamity, I see neglect on my part. I’ve focused on what I believe I must do for my love to the point I have neglected my own wellbeing.

Good intension aside, what do I do about these feelings of failure? Can I see myself in the surrounding text? If I am honest with myself yes, a little. Not that I have overtly intended mischief but isn’t neglect of responsibility a kind of mischief?

A few of my readers know what I’ve being going through these past five months. I’ve tried to keep this out of my devotionals, partly because it is personal and painful, partly because it doesn’t relate to your spiritual growth, but to be honest, I am at a loss for words. I have often turned to the book of Job, read his plight and became determined not to sound like that. As raw and painful as his words are, they were honest.

On a human level, if I neglect my own wellbeing to the point of ruin, who will be here to take over my caretaking? No one? I do not know, I have not asked, nor do I want to ask. I am afraid of the answer. It seems the lesson here is clear on one point, I care about her more than I care about myself. That sounds noble but where is nobility if I fail her when I fall?

Lord light the way, that I might follow your plans and not mine own.